Ollie has this little ceramic penguin that she designed when we went to paint pottery with Grover's Girl Scout troop. I say "designed" rather than painted because the extent of Ollie's involvement in the painting process was to inform me what colors she wanted me to paint it, where she wanted the colors put and that I was doing it wrong. (Ollie the dictator strikes again.) In spite of my shoddy workmanship, it turned out really cute. It's the strangest looking penguin on the planet - blue body, lime green eyes and beak, pink polka dotted belly - but it's cute nonetheless. So I walk into Ollie's room Saturday and the penguin is missing from its usual perch on top of her vanity. I had warned her not to move it or it would likely wind up broken, so I asked her where it was. "It's with Jesus," she answered. Say what? Immediately, I thought the worst... that Ollie had sacrificed the penguin in the name of science (the "let's see what happens when I drop it out the second story window onto the concrete" type of science) and as calmly as I could, asked her to tell me more. Ollie just rolled her eyes in the direction of her nativity set on the floor - which much to my mother's religious dismay serves as yet another plaything - and lo and behold, there's the penguin. With Jesus. And the wise men, and the camels, and the sheep... you get the picture. Well, just in case you don't, here's the picture:

Give a man a beer and he will drink for 10 minutes.

Give a man a minifridge and he will sit on his ass, watch television and build a pyramid out of beer cans.

Have you seen this? Evidently, I'm about two months behind on the latest craze at the mall. There are tons of videos for this on YouTube. I don't know what's worse: the poor bastard bored enough to try this or the rest of us dumb fools for watching it?

Sarah Palin.

If you missed her speech last night, here's the joke:

"What is the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?"
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"Lipstick"

To go or not to go? With apologies to Shakespeare, that is the question before me. Go where, you ask? Why, to my [insert significant milestone]th high school reunion, of course. I received a postcard last week inviting me to said event. I don't really want to go, but I have this nagging feeling that later in life I'll regret not having gone since people seem to make such a big deal out of it. I don't have particularly fond memories of my high school or the people in it so there's no real driving force for me to go. It's not that I dislike people or have hard feelings or don't want to see anyone; it's that I just don't care. My dad doesn't get this. He keeps asking "Don't you want to see this person or find out what that person is doing now?" and my answer is "Well, not really, no". My mom thinks it's because I'm embarassed about having gained so much weight, but it's not that either. That's her issue, not mine. If I gave a shit about my weight, I'd do something about it (which I probably should do for health reasons, but that's irrelevant to this post). It's pretty much that I have no desire to spend time strolling down amnesia lane with people who mean nothing to me, eating terrible food and listening to some lame DJ spin tunes from the 80s. (Actually, the 80s music would be fun, but that's why I have an iPod.) But then I get that stupid feeling again like I should go because it's a once in a lifetime event and someday I might wish I had gone.

So dear readers, having gotten nowhere conversing with the little voice in my head (which I should probably discuss with my shrink) I'm asking for advice. Should I go or should I skip it?