Remember when you were younger (or yesterday) and it was super-cold outside and your mom (or wife) told you not to lick or touch the cold metal flagpole/railing/fender but you did it anyway and lost some skin in the process? I guess the f***ing squirrels have to learn the hard way, too. Apparently, it was cold enough last night to freeze the shortening I had used to grease the bird feeder pole and now there's some unfortunate squirrel missing a section of tail fur. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

SNOWZILLA!!!




Nuwanda pointed me toward this since it's down the street from the school where she teaches.

I love the beer bottles for eyes - it gives a whole new meaning to the term "beer goggles". Hee...hee...hee....

NUWANDA.

A dubious honor, to be sure. This not-so-prestigious award has been bestowed upon her because she currently resides in Alaska and apparently even Alaska can get too much snow. I can't even imagine.

Along these same lines, I watched some show last night that had some lunatic trying to survive overnight on the frozen tundra of Alaska or Canada or somewhere bitterly cold like that. (And no, it wasn't Survivorman - my husband watches that show and each episode, I eagerly await Survivorman's untimely demise from hypothermia, poisonous mushrooms or evisceration by wild boars. Unfortunately, I'm still waiting.) Anyway, this guy last night had an Inuit guide to get him set up and help him build a snow house - they called 'em igloos when I was in school, but whatever - and the Inuits have actually evolved so that they have more blood flow to their extremities so they can go out in 40 below temperatures without any protection on their face or hands and not get frostbite. It was pretty cool. Okay, so it was just funny watching the non-Inuit survival dude with all his Polartec gear freezing his nuts off while the Inuit was walking around with no gloves on (and I'm pretty sure he was laughing on the inside).

So Nuwanda, hopefully this will at least make you laugh while you're buried under all that snow.

I wish I could tell you that this story ended with the words "happily ever after". But it doesn't. If you recall, I started this fish saga on Christmas Eve by buying Grover a goldfish named Comet. It died and we got another one. Comet II seemed to be much happier and more active (plus he lived for two whole weeks), so I bought him a friend. Said friend was a slightly smaller goldfish that zipped around the tank with reckless abandon (thusly named Zippy, of course). Apparently, Zippy wore himself out because he went to the big goldfish bowl in the sky last Thursday. Amusingly enough, I was hosting a Tastefully Simple party and the babysitter was forced to preside over Zippy's last rites. (I'm sure she'll be "busy" the next time I ask her to babysit...) Anyway, I foolishly bought a replacement for Zippy on Friday - apparently to Comet II's dismay because he promptly kicked the bucket on Saturday. Sunday, Zippy II got sucked into the filter so we are now sans goldfish. Since I shelled out twenty bucks for the stupid fish tank, I am debating trying one more time with a Betta fish but at this point I suspect the tank will be Ebay's newest listing very soon...

On the other hand, you could live in Alaska and have 68 inches of snow and a MOOSE in your front yard.


This picture is courtesy of my friend Nuwanda, who in fact does live in Alaska. Yesterday a baby moose wandered into her front yard and eventually up onto her porch. Yes, she was back inside by that time.