Budget Car Rental clerk talking on the phone: So what does he look like? And what is he wearing? Okay, well let me finish with this customer and I'll go look.
Budget Car Rental clerk to customer: Some lady lost her husband.
Customer: And she's complaining?

--airport car rental counter

(How many of you correctly guessed that I was the customer?)

We're leaving at the butt-crack of dawn for our annual pilgrimage to the Midwest homeland of my wonderful husband. Lest you think we're tossing the kids in the back of the covered wagon and hitching up the mules, I'll clarify that we are flying nonstop to the thriving metropolis of Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN. By the way, do you know what the difference between "direct" and "nonstop" in airline language? My husband still doesn't and we've been flying with kids for 6 years now. I've given up trying to explain it to him.

Anyway, I finally finished packing - at least as much as I can finish, given I have to pack all my toiletries at the last minute after I shower in the morning - and decided to look up the weather forecast for our destination. When we visited in June a few years ago, there was some freak cold snap and the high was around 50 the whole week. I was really hoping for something like that again. No such luck. They've revised the forecast from hot to scorching. Highs Sunday and Monday: 102 and 103, respectively. Oy vay! It's not even going to be that hot here, although it will probably be a far sight more humid so I guess it all evens out. At least the temps up there are supposed to fall to upper 70s/low 80s the middle of next week. That's more like it.

Meanwhile, my friend SanDee is preparing to jet off to Ireland for a month for her job. While she's there, she's planning to visit (among other places) Rome. Who cares what the weather's going to be? It's f***ing ROME!!!!!

"Jealous much?" --

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My friend, who will hereafter be known as MF (don't worry, she'll love it), is an audiologist with the school system so she is frequently in amongst the young'uns roaming the halls of our local institutions of lower education. This being the case, she has told children of friends and family to feel free to say "hi" to her when they see her at their school. MF was at a local elementary school yesterday and in the hall, saw the son of a friend who is pregnant and due very soon, if not yesterday. So MF said hello to the boy (who just started kindergarten) and asked about the impending birth of his baby brother/sister. He just stared at her and said nothing. Thinking he just didn't recognize her because she was dressed up for work, MF explained who she was and with a flash of recognition, he said, "Oh, you're so-and-so's mommy." About this time, the Teacher's Aide came up and in a very stern (read: bitchy) voice, told MF that the reason the boy didn't respond to her was because the rule is NO talking in the halls and that the next time she sees him, she needs to just wave and keep walking. MF was like "Excuse me?" The TA repeated the no talking rule and said that MF needed to realize that the rules applied to everyone, including her. The TA continued to belittle MF and the boy in front of the rest of his class, no doubt causing his view of kindergarten somewhat resemble prison. Then as MF walked down the hall (after the TA had repeated the "next time just wave and keep on walking" remark) and looked in utter disbelief and more than a little anger at this Nazi TA, the TA turns to her and calls loudly down the hall (I guess the quiet rule doesn't apply to her) "Feel free to talk to Mrs. X [the principal] about this." Oh yeah, you bet your wrinkly white ass, she will. MF didn't want to interrupt Mrs. X's meeting, so she left a message with the office staff.

I understand that they're trying to enforce rules and all, but I think the TA went a little overboard, especially in the attitude department. What if MF had been a Senior Administrator or a member of the School Board? Plus, from my standpoint, I have worked very hard with Grover and Ollie to teach them to respect adults and to acknowledge adults who deign to speak to them. I understand not wanting the children to talk amongst themselves or yell down the hall to their friend or next-door neighbor, but is it really such a crime to say hello to an adult who addresses you first? Apparently, in this school at least, the answer is yes.

A few weeks ago, I had a bump removed from my nose. It looked innocent enough but it was ugly and it bothered me, so in my vanity I chose to have it removed. Even the PA at the dermatologist's office remarked that it was some kind of harmless papule. It's standard for them to biopsy everything anyway, so after a few weeks I called the 800 number to get the lab report. Instead of the "everything's cool" message that I expected, I was greeted with "Please call our office at...". Not good. So I called the dermatologist's office and dialed the extension as I was instructed and got someone's voice mail. Still relatively unconcerned, I left a message and went on my merry way. While I was out (chauffeuring Grover to golf camp), the nurse called back and told me that the seemingly innocuous bump they removed was a squamous cell skin cancer and that I needed to come in to have more skin removed from my nose. Great - the one place on my body where I don't have excess skin. But the last thing I want is skin cancer spreading across my face, so I scheduled the appointment for today.

I arrived 10 minutes early for my appointment, nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. The prospect of someone taking a knife to my nose and cutting off the thin skin on top then stitching it up was not exactly appealing. They took me back to the "Procedure Room" and made me wait some more. (I kept thinking of Grover in the "Fun Room" for her tooth - why couldn't I go to the "Fun Room"?) The doctor came in and explained what he was going to do in horrifying detail; then the nurse went to work on administering the local anesthesia. In case you didn't know, the nose is the most sensitive part of the body when it comes to injections. I learned this when they removed the actual bump and it was confirmed today when she stuck me about 12 times with the lidocaine needle. I'm not exaggerating - I stopped counting at 8. The doctor completed the procedure in about 10 minutes and the nurse bandaged me up. Under the 3 inches of gauze and tape is an 8-mm vertical incision complete with 4 or 5 stitches. There's also this weird-looking indention across the bridge of my nose from where they pulled the remaining skin together to cover the area where the skin was removed. The doctor assured me that in a year, I won't be able to tell I had anything done. A YEAR????? Are you kidding me? I keep reminding myself that this was necessary to get rid of the cancer cells (I sure as hell hope they got them all) and my looks would be far more impacted if the cancer had spread. But still... a year? Ughh. In the short-term, I can expect redness, swelling and bruising around my nose and eyes. Fabulous.

Did I mention we're going to see my in-laws for a week? And we're leaving Saturday? Sigh...