After seeing one of my friends try to control her son (a very challenging 3YO) at Ollie's party, my mother called to say that as a teacher and a mother, she is very concerned about the child's well-being and how much stress the child is under because his mother (my friend) is always yelling at him. Uh-huh... This from the woman who used to scream and swear at my brother and me at the top of her lungs and tell us how worthless we were because we put a pot in the dishwasher instead of hand-washing it or because the vacuum tracks didn't go the right way. Yeah, okay.

From The Onion:

We had Ollie's birthday party yesterday and with each gift she opened, she excitedly exclaimed "it's mine!". I think she's got the receiving part down.

I just figured out why I can't sleep (over and above my normal not-being-able-to-sleep-ness, otherwise known as "insomnia" to people who might be lucid at this hour). I have had a cold that seems to have taken up permanent residence in my body (like the little Mucinex dude in the commercial) and I took some prescription cough medicine. AHA! I'm sure it has some sort of narcotic in it to help you sleep - and I would know this if I hadn't thrown away the patient information - and one of my many, many quirks is that I react differently to drugs than most people. I can take two Vicodin and function normally, codeine makes me hyper, non-drowsy Sudafed puts me to sleep... you get the idea. That explains why I'm still bouncing off the walls at 4:00 a.m.

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I don't mean that in a self-discovery, let's-hike-the-mountains-of-Tibet-and-visit-the-Dalai-Lama kind of way. What I mean is why am I here at my computer at 2:30 in the morning looking at Quirky Landmarks on AOL? I mean, really... is my insomnia so bad that I find it necessary to pass my time looking at the world's largest ball of twine (Cawker City, Kansas) or Lucy the six-story, 90 ton elephant (Margate, NJ)? Apparently, the answer to this question is a resounding "yes".

But as long as I'm here, let me fill you in on some of the nation's quirkiest landmarks. AOL Cityguide has been kind enough to give us a state-by-state rundown to help us plan the RV trip from Hell. These spectacular points of interest (no doubt revered by their respective states' tourism directors) range from the obvious - the World's Largest Chest of Drawers in High Point, NC - to the cheesy - the Museum of Spam in Austin, MN - to the offbeat - the Toilet Seat Art Museum in San Antonio, TX - to the just plain stupid - the Double Decker Outhouse in Dover, Arkansas (sure, let's just feed the stereotype that we're a bunch of backward hillbillies, that's a good idea).

Gotta find a better website (or better yet, a sleep aid)...

1. Ranch dressing burns if you get it in an open cut.

2. The Idiot will eat spinach salad if it's covered in Ranch dressing. (Thought of all things, she'd leave that alone and I was safe.)

3. I still like Spaghettios with Meatballs and Cherry Kool-Aid for lunch.